


Taste It on Your Tongue

by blue_jack



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: M/M, Romance, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-10
Updated: 2012-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-29 07:55:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/317561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_jack/pseuds/blue_jack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Well, damn," Tony said, blinking as he took in the room.  "You weren't kidding when you said you couldn't get drunk."  For my “inebriated confessions” square for avengers_tables.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taste It on Your Tongue

"Well, damn," Tony said, blinking as he took in the room. "You weren't kidding when you said you couldn't get drunk."

It was a scene of carnage. The coffee table, the side table, the decorative table behind the couch that Tony never remembered the name of, portions of the floor, they were all covered in empty bottles of beer, wine, hard liquor, even some homemade stuff that Happy would never forgive him for poaching, but it'd been for a good cause, so he really didn't think he should be blamed.

Maybe he should’ve believed Steve when he’d told him that his body metabolized alcohol too fast for it to affect him.

"What do you mean you can’t get drunk? You just aren't trying hard enough! Let me show you how it's done."

"But I don't want to," Steve had said, in a completely ridiculous display of reason or common sense or something equally inappropriate.

“Don’t bother me with details, Steve! This is for science!” he’d said and had deposited Steve on the couch while he went hunting.

When he’d returned, he’d demonstrated the mystical arts of such things as funneling, chugging, taking shots—

“You know, I have done this before.”

“Hush, Grasshopper. Watch and learn.”

—and basically had done everything he could to get as much alcohol in Steve in the shortest period of time (two bathroom breaks aside) as possible, starting with the highest proof and working down from there when JARVIS had a mild conniption fit and refused to let him into the wine vaults again after he’d dropped a bottle of Mouton Rothschild that he’d purchased for over three hundred thousand dollars at auction on the stairs.

And after all of that, nothing.

“I’m very disappointed in you,” Tony said, frowning to show his deep displeasure.

“Sorry,” Steve said, looking nothing of the sort.

Tony frowned some more and nudged a few carefully placed bottles, knocking them over and clearing a path on the floor so he could plop down on the couch next to Steve.

“ _Very_ disappointed,” he repeated to make sure he made his point clear.

Steve shrugged, but Tony was slightly mollified because it seemed like a sheepish shrug, so that was alright then.

“Well, whatever. We’ll just have to try again. I wasn’t prepared this time around. Who gets drunk on beer anyway? Next time we’ll—”

“Once was more than enough, thank you,” Steve said, managing to sound prim even though he’d just imbibed enough alcohol to kill an elephant. Seriously, he could hear sloshing every time Steve moved.

“But it didn’t work! Where’s the inability to focus on one object for any given amount of time? And the swaying? That’s always good for a laugh. And where are the slurred speech patterns and drunken confessions? I have to be honest here, I feel cheated.”

"Why do _you_ feel cheated?"

It was Tony’s turn to shrug as Steve raised an eyebrow at him. “It’s all about the small pleasures in life.”

A pause.

“And the big ones,” he allowed.

“I can pretend if you’d like? I remember what it felt like after all.”

“As much as I’d like to roleplay with you, Steve—and trust me, we are coming back to this discussion soon, ASAP as a matter of fact—you know what? Who am I kidding? Let’s go,” he said, standing up and grabbing Steve’s hand.

“Wait, what?” Steve asked, although he stood and followed Tony obligingly, weaving around the bottles without a single stumble. Bastard. “That’s not what I said—”

“Don’t be silly, Steve,” he said, randomly opening a door and peeking to see if anyone was inside. “I distinctly heard you say you wanted to play the part of a helpless innocent—”

He leered extravagantly enough to make Steve cover his face with his hand in despair.

“—who’s been kidnapped by an evil mastermind for some unknown but no doubt scandalous yet somehow still intriguing reason!”

That time Steve tried to cover Tony’s face, but he’d become quite proficient in the duck-and-weave after dating Steve for a month.

“You’re grateful when Iron Man swoops down and rescues you, so grateful, as a matter of fact, that you’re determined to pay him back _in whatever way you can_."

“Tony—”

“What’s that? You _love_ roleplaying?” he asked, dragging Steve in and closing the door behind them. “Good to know!”

“I didn’t say—”

“What did I say about getting bogged down in details? Work with me here," he said, tugging Steve's head down for a kiss.


End file.
